tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54267262011-04-21T13:29:49.212-07:00dAncing AboUt archiTectUreTalking about life is like dancing about architecture...which maybe true, and if that's the case what's the point of talking about anything?Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comBlogger181100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1104376073662177942004-12-29T18:54:00.000-08:002004-12-29T19:07:53.663-08:00It's almost 2005..... Some new year's resolutions under way, and we'll see how that goes. I've been feeling very lonely lately. That could have something to do with the fact that it's christmas break and Heather and Kelli have gone home. I'm here all alone, well almost, Sean is here sometimes. But there is this overwhelming sense of aloneness. I wake up and I feel disjoined, like I have no Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1098667660644472322004-10-24T18:15:00.000-07:002004-10-24T18:27:40.643-07:00so it's been a while since i've been here. lots is different. my life and the lives of the people around me are changing. this is vage, i know, but somethings are just for me. maybe that's only because i'm not sure how to express how i feel right now, which is becoming somewhat of a thing with me. i burst in to tears yesterday at the sight of my own reflection. it seems to me that i Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1080500705068103442004-03-28T10:41:00.000-08:002004-03-28T11:07:40.340-08:00everything is a changin'.... the idea of dropping out of school has been stopped...mainly by my friends. the idea that i won't go anywhere with this whole fashion designer dream is really starting to get to me. i want this so badly and the thought that it might not happen really scares me. what would i do if all i end up doing is working at the job i have now, because i don't really have any Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1078075905123517352004-02-29T09:00:00.000-08:002004-02-29T09:33:51.030-08:00The last time that i was here, was an angry time. i said things that i shouldn't have, but they were said. sean and i talked about it briefly and things seem to be good now. the last week that i've spent with him has made me see that no matter, how bad i think it might be, it can be so good. i've had a great time with him this week and it made me really happy, and regret the pervious post. Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1064925630657981312003-09-30T05:15:00.000-07:002003-09-30T05:40:30.253-07:00I feel so lost...like i'm not myself. this has been a reoccuring trend in this stupid thing, but its true. I had my first offical emotional break down last night, much to my unhappiness, in front of sean and mat. they can to visit me at the lab, and as they were coming up the stairs, i was coming down, in more ways than one. i had a shitty time at the sewing lad. i dropped and CD player, Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1064350049846876912003-09-23T13:25:00.000-07:002003-09-23T13:47:29.340-07:00i keep trying to figure out what i'm doing and feeling. i feel like i'm lost right now. not in the sense that i don't know what i'm doing, but in the sense that i don't know what i was doing. i feel like i'm going about things all wrong. like there are better ways. i sick at the current moment, and given my history, i'll be sick until winter. gotta love that! i have a ton of work to do Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1064077059389186892003-09-20T09:47:00.000-07:002003-09-20T09:57:38.720-07:0012:51...my head feels like its going to explode. Last night was our "sex and the city" party. i've now decided that drink is something that i don't think i should ever do. maybe one, or two pretty cocktails and that's it...because whe i drink i turn into this awful person that is just embarassing. i was having supa fun, and i really think that sean was too, and then i got super possessive andJessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1063744149495886532003-09-16T13:11:00.000-07:002003-09-16T13:29:09.390-07:00So its week 3 and already i've pulled an all nighter... School has been a rude awakening. my plan was to own the ball, and for one brief moment i looked away and the ball started bouncing all over me. i'm getting back on it, but i was so unhappy about it. but exciting news is that i get to do the designs that i want, with the fabrics that i want, unlike last year. also my section rocks the Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1062379476336342172003-08-31T18:24:00.000-07:002003-08-31T18:24:36.390-07:00I feel like i'm on a tilt. everything has been so up in the air ever since i got to toronto, that i feel off balance. i think that everything thing is starting to settle, hence the feeling of unbalacncedness, which leads to balancedness...if that was a sentence. so i've been in the t-dot since the 19th and there were a few days that sucked because of rez life activities, but that's come to Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1059796409079696642003-08-01T20:53:00.000-07:002003-08-01T20:53:28.916-07:00Why so complicated? i just had this rather stressful conversation with heather about our lives and how they are fucked up. maybe not her's so much as mine, and i selfishly say that because my life is my life and that's why its more complicated that other people's lives. school is coming up so quickly. i leave and move in on the 19th, and that's only 3 weekends way. 3 weekends at home, and Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1059188572352160212003-07-25T20:02:00.000-07:002003-07-25T20:02:52.286-07:00Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1059187710101879462003-07-25T19:48:00.000-07:002003-07-25T19:57:48.350-07:00I think that i'm goin insane.... I feel awful right now. at the current moment i'm in the master bedroom of my parents' home on my laptop and using sean's connection because the sound of my mother's voice is making me itchy in my own skin. i need out. the fact that school starts in just less than a month is helping, but for how long? being at home really made me realize how this was never Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1057537635443920712003-07-06T17:27:00.000-07:002003-07-06T17:27:15.466-07:00So it's been a while so let's catch up.... So I went to Pride and I did have fun, even though i maybe didn't seem like it the whole time. I was so excited, because firstly i was driving to downtown Toronto for the first time, i was going to Pride with one of my best friends tin the whole world, i was staying with Katie, someone who i haven't seen since school let out, and i was decked out in myJessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1056339584603187642003-06-22T20:39:00.000-07:002003-06-22T20:39:44.550-07:00So it has been a really long time since i last posted, i know, but remember i'm internet challenged. So there has been a few charming new developments in what i so laughingly call my life. I may in deed have a fashion related job that could jump start my fashion career and make me the new McQueen, well i guess i wouldn't go that far just yet but one day... anyways back to the good news. so Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1054438000569284442003-05-31T20:26:00.000-07:002003-05-31T20:26:40.583-07:00So i've had a few really great days, ask me how.... The last week penny and i have been planning a surprise party for sean's birthday and on friday the big day cam and was so great. he was so surprised which made me feel so great because i was having visions of him already knowing and it just being stupid and sucking. the only bad parts were that he didn't come down to his bedroom right away Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1054166989201941952003-05-28T17:09:00.000-07:002003-05-28T17:09:49.300-07:00I have to say that i'm a very upset, confused, and angry cat at the moment....let me list off why... i was just in my room and i must have been standing there for what felt like forever. i'm surrounded by all of these relics of a life i no longer feel that i live. my room is covered in all of these things that i used to like or have a remote obsession with and no hate, or at the least just Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1053993404740955822003-05-26T16:56:00.000-07:002003-05-26T17:08:01.143-07:00So my best friend is going to be the next big famous interior designer, like that guy from Designer Guys (but I can't remember his name). sean got into ryerson today and i am so excited for him, a little more excited than he seemed, but it will hit him more later as the magnitude of what just happened gets in. and the best part of this whole big super fantastic thing is that he will be going toJessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426726.post-1053919369116806082003-05-25T20:22:00.000-07:002003-05-25T20:22:49.206-07:00So i was thinking that things need to change. I need to change. And in the the four other failed attempts at this whole journal thing, i figured that i should give it another go. I'm bored. i'm home from school, a place that i never realized that i would love so much, and thrown back into the dull existence that i have at home. Summer could not feel longer. don't get me wrong, i love my Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09639204604110507251noreply@blogger.com